The Making of "Made With Melanie"
Friends,
Since the passing of my sweet wife I’ve been learning and growing a ton and feel like I have a lot to share, probably no surprise to those who know me. My family and I decided to continue posting updates on Melanie’s blog highlighting her work. I’ve been receiving lots of requests from people wanting personal updates on my kids and I. We felt a better way to do that is for me to start a blog here at my website. I thought it’d be best to start this whole blog thing discussing the film I made about the love of my life Made With Melanie; the decision behind why I made it, how I went about crafting the story and the aftermath of releasing such a personal film on the internet.
As a filmmaker/artist, I’m always looking for stories to tell and since I was a kid I have filmed everything around me. Since I got my first Hi8 camera in junior high I’ve been filming and storing all my footage and turning them into stories to share with others. We all now have unbelievably high quality 4K cameras on our phones (better than anything I grew up filming with) and I’m constantly shooting everything. Primarily I like to film moments of my children for my own memories but I started purposely filming Melanie’s cancer journey right at the beginning. I did this mostly to chronicle what was happening, but in the back of both of our minds we were thinking of ways to share her journey. Back in 2018 when Melanie first found this tumor we were taken such off guard that I wasn’t really thinking “let’s share this” but as you know if you followed our story, Melanie started sharing on her social media and blog back in 2018 (here is her first post about cancer).
Melanie had her kidney removed in 2018 after a tumor was found on it.
The morning after Melanie’s first surgery in 2018.
After the tumors came back in 2020 she and I decided to have her sit down and tell her whole story which is the primary interview I use in the film. I really started filming everything around me after that, the smallest moments felt all the more important and I clung to every second. By January 2021 I had finished a rough draft of the film which was about 35 minutes and it ended with what we thought was a treatment that was working. I showed the film to her on our January 21st anniversary, 15 years of marriage and we had no idea it would be our last. When the film was over we cried together and Melanie had no edits, which means she loved it. How I wish that was the ending of the film…
As Melanie continued to fight the cancer through surgeries and chemo in 2021 we had the very real conversation about whether we should finish the film and release it if she were to pass. That was one of the many super difficult conversations we had during that year. How can I even think about this? Why would my mind even go there? I questioned everything during that time but Melanie assured me time and time again, if her story would help people, even one person and I felt called to finish it, that I should and she trusted me with the outcome. Melanie was always my number one fan when it came to my films and believed in my ability to tell great stories, and hers is one of the most important I’ve ever come across and also my most personal.
I’ve always used my camera and storytelling to help myself navigate trauma and difficulties. When I was a combat videographer in the Army and particularly during my time in Afghanistan I remember feeling the power of filming difficult things and how it almost separated me from the momentary difficulties that I had no control over. Whether it was in war or watching my wife be taken by cancer most of the time I was just an observer, so I watched through the lens of my camera.
When I was a combat videographer in Afghanistan in 2009.
Filming a mission in Afghanistan with the 4th Brigade Combat Team 25th Infantry Division (Airborne)
After Melanie’s passing on January 12, 2022 I think part of my healing process was jumping right into making the film. Our family was planning the memorial service (thank you Mama Lisa and Mel’s bestie Ashley Nelson for doing all the heavy lifting) and I dove all in on her film. The day before the funeral I had my dear long time friend and fellow filmmaker Tyler Gates interview me about the journey, he also filmed at the memorial, is a co-editor and his production company did the amazing graphics for the film.
The interview with Tyler was so raw considering how close it was to Melanie’s passing but I think it was helpful for me to get all the feelings out. I would then spend the next few months editing. This was an extremely difficult task because I was constantly going back and looking at all the old photos and videos of Melanie. Of course there were so many amazing memories but each time I’d open a new one I’d get lost in the moment and I cried more times than I can count. The editing became so taxing that I asked Belinda DelPesco, Melanie’s step mother, to help me find some old photos and videos. Tyler then came in and helped me edit a long string out of the story. Honestly I don’t think I would have made it to that point without them and the rest of my amazing family!!! Thank you!
Tyler sent me his cut and I started seeing the whole film and then jumped all in. Once I finished my cut it was important that close family and friends see it and give me feedback. I wanted everyone to be alright with what we were showing publicly. After a few changes here and there, we went for it and released the film one month after Melanie’s birthday on July 29th.
Our children opening their presents on Christmas 2021, our last together with Melanie.
This picture means alot to me. My last Christmas with my love. She was always smiling even though she was in so much pain, she was always festive even though she knew the end was coming and she was always crafting something for someone else. Mel was making this baby blanket for my best friend Gavin’s baby daughter.
Slowly people watched the film and I started receiving random emails, direct messages, texts and calls from close friends and family. Old friends and acquaintances I hadn’t seen for years, reached out and shared with me how they resonated with the power of Melanie’s story. I was blown away by the general reception of the film and the comments from so many of Melanie’s Makers, followers and tribe. Melanie was a shining light and I’m very honored to tell her story.
We’re now six months out from the release of the film and a year from Melanie’s passing. I miss her everyday. It all still feels so surreal and learning to live without her has made this another very difficult year in a series of tough years. The kids and I are definitely in the depths of grief but all in all we’re doing the best we can given this tragedy. We have a tremendous amount of help from our family and close friends and the kids are busy with all the things; dance, football, choir, school, and friends. It’s day to day and we’re definitely still in survival mode but we’re learning so much about God’s goodness, His gracious hand and I’m trying to focus on being grateful for all we still have. Below are a few pictures from our family’s vacation to Disney World in February 2022.
The whole family at Animal Kingdom.
My little triangle.
